Failing at Florida

Ok, ok. We kinda failed at Florida.

We did NOT go on any official dates here. The Internet replies were too sketchy (I can't even type them here without blushing), the Russian/Israeli duo fell through, and Danielle's prospect chose a charity ball over us (what an a hole...) 

This said, we went on unofficial dates with the oldest and youngest men in the Miami area. 

From our youngest date's (4-month-old) parents, we learned keys to a good relationship:

Dad: Communication. That's it.

Mom: A man who cooks.

Our date was a little fussy for a long term partnership - he seemed a little preoccupied with getting his own needs met. But he did have such a cute face...

From our oldest date, Stu, an octogenarian in Mom Mom Mitz's swimming pool, we learned that the three top qualities we should be looking for in a man/relationship were 1) love 2) a good job and 3) money.

When we asked Stu to differentiate between #s 2 and 3, he stared at us blankly.  

Stu also initiated the conversation by laughing at us lamenting our man situations. And then, because he's "a pretty outgoing guy" (his words) he settled to doing his leg exercises in the pool and schooling us on men. He said that men are "stupid. Just dumb!"  Adding, that we need to start dating older "late thirties to early forties". Every time we answered one of his clarifying questions about our lives there were a lot of enthusiastic "oh god!"'s that followed. 

Clearly a bad sign, but a great conversation. 

...Perhaps to be taken with a grain of salt as he couldn't remember his girlfriend's name. 

So, as we watched his tufts of gray shoulder hair sway in the wind he also told us it took him four years of online dating to find his nameless GF. Don't fret, "you're still young- you've got time."

From lots of other women at "the club" (wearing the finest in last year's resort wear) we heard that we would never meet anyone unless we were set up by others... Or went speed dating. They were all drunk. One lovely woman in a walker kept squawking "well, don't ask me!" Over the din. 

So please, please help us out, friends!

We will write more from Savannah tomorrow. 

Please cherish pic of stu and us laughing post swim-therapy date.