Hometown Huh?

So instead of giving [danielle's] long-winded play by play, we've decided to simply describe the cast of characters, and you are at liberty to imagine your own plot to accompany this colorful cast.  

Setting: Media, PA; city motto, "everybody's hometown"; suburbs of Philadelphia; Friday evening. 

Dates showed up 20 minutes late. Thank g-d. (Danielle likes this phrase for all the careful readers. Hillary...is still agnostic about it.) 

All names have been changed to protect the innocent... And Hillary.

Nate: 29 years and 11 months old. Caucasian male who lived with his parents until one month ago. Had a parrot with attachment issues that prevented him from traveling more than three hours from Philadelphia. May have worn wolf T-shirts in high school. Fantastic cartoonist who has tried to woo Hillary in the past with original  comic   strips based around high school teachers. Presented Hillary with a multi-colored daisy bouquet, a homemade corsage constructed out of a slap bracelet, and a green boa. A nice Christian boy who apparently dabbles in Hebrew (he leaned over the table to whisper "ani mideberet katzat ivrit" for all the MOTs out there), and whose favorite sound is a shofar being blown on high holidays (??) Held both the inner and outer door of the restaurant in a display of dexterous chivalry. He spoke of the ways his father cares for and raises birds. Hillary is terrified of anything that flies. Bradley Cooper's shorter third cousin. Cute, quirky, and a novice dater in any dating situation, much less the dating situation we were throwing him into. 

Matt: Five feet and eight inches of self-proclaimed white redneck raised in the citified suburbs. Married at 23, divorced now at 30. Two small boys that Danielle wants to mother, the thought of which horrifies Hillary. Arborist and general tree man, also volunteers in his free time. Met a 22-year-old girlfriend through his volunteer work. Questionable judgment all around. Either delightful or dominating depending on if you are seeking Danielle or Hillary's perspective, respectively. Was vaguely the glue for this hangout triple date situation. Rounded up another buddy for Danielle. (Fine. As much as she pines for Matt (again, a baffling concept for Hillary), 'home wrecker' is not a desired position... Although she's open to other positions should they break up.)

Matt's Girlfriend: 22-year-old tomboy. Wearing a sports bra under a casual T-shirt and potentially dirty basketball shorts. Consumed her first drink so fast that by the time the bartender brought the last pints of the first round, she had finished and already ordered her second. An open-mouth eater. Sans-knife. (Lisa style for all you TGT readers). Nay, she did use the knife, to saw at her boyfriend's arm. Also yanked his  sunglasses off and tried to play hide and seek in the small booth. Also placed him in a headlock. Multiple times. Also wrote on his arm, "Matt likes eating dick". Was unsure how to interpret Danielle and Hillary's genuinely friendly overtures at including her in conversation. 

Matt's Friend/Danielle's Date: Tall corn-fed Midwestern looking dude. From New Jersey. Also a tree man. Couldn't get a word in edgewise over Matt. Was probably actually fascinating and intelligent-- we wouldn't know as there was too much wrestling on the other side of the table to have a sustained conversation. Never had a girlfriend, and was maybe afraid of looking directly at Danielle, although to be fair her boobs were a little intense. Longtime friend of Matt, he was perhaps perplexed by his new girlfriend...and the whole experience.. which he had gamely drove an hour for. 

Hillary & Danielle: Dressed nicely. With make up. And real (regular) bras. Clearly overdone. Enmeshed in a surreal high school throwback dimension, at a highschool hot spot restaurant. Having a good time, when Hillary wasn't ducking under tables, and especially when they (JUST Hillary and Danielle) went to a local dive bar to debrief. Even Hillary will say a "thank g-d" for the Plumstead.