North Carolina: He Jacked The Djembe

Ok. So, Hillary lives in North Carolina, right?

So, she was in charge of finding dates. 

For herself she went with a safe choice: someone she'd already made out with (another red-bearded musician with tattoos actually). 

But then: Danielle? 

Hillary put forth several options. 

First string was a friend and fellow Eagles fan. 

Out of town. Bummer- he likes black girls. 

Second string was a fun friend who was ALSO out of town. Oy, summer in the south. 

Third string was a tie between:

-Quirky PhD student who we'd already run into at the local food co-op. He was mobilizing the Red Cross to help low income flood victims of color. 

-The other guy was only sold as "normal."

Being the sage that she is, Danielle opted for normal guy. (Twisted right?). Hillary asked aloud, "hm, I wonder why is Danielle single?"

Jerk. (Danielle is typing. Again.)

But I like the unknown and I'd already met Mr. Awesome PhD, so I went with the mystery dude. 

Normal guy was normal height. Normal name. Normal build. Normal hair. Normal clothes. Normal dude in education. Normal. 

But perhaps with a bit of a gambling streak because he agreed to randomly meet up and be part of our cockamamie plan. 

We went to (wait for it...) an Irish bar. 

Hillary's date picked us up at home and immediately commented on how beautiful we both looked. Point Hillary's date. 

The three of us settled down to wait for normal guy. All was normal...until normal guy walked in. 

Hillary's date wasn't drinking. Danielle's date wasn't eating. Hillary and Danielle realized that we needed to do both. 

Danielle's date took the beer menu from her hands and took charge of recommending things... But in the end didn't recommend anything. Neutral. 

Hillary's date asked what kind of pizza she wanted. Point him.

Danielle's date asked what exactly was going on. -2 points.

Hillary's date was very interested in our standardized date questions. +3 points.

Danielle's date got wrapped up in tangential answers to set questions. Minus one point.

Both men were younger siblings. -12 points.

Danielle's date thought he was pretty awesome. And said so frequently. -12 points. Yeah, I know, it should be more, I like an arrogant man.

Hillary's date did a lot of listening. Because Danielle's date did a lot of talking. We don't know how to score that one. 

Danielle's date talked frequently and vehemently about his political beliefs. Without asking about her beliefs beforehand. -7 points.

Hillary's date had an innocuous football allegiance. Neutral. Danielle's date liked the poshest and most aggrivating football team in the league. -10. 

Both men were very open with sharing their life stories. +15 points all around. 

Danielle's date attempted to set her up with the waiter [because he was black]. wtf points. 

Danielle's date was describing a medical procedure using the term "flap". We had all talked about words that we liked and disliked earlier in the evening. The one word Danielle dislikes is "flap" as it describes anatomy. Danielle's date said the term 37 times. -37 points. 

Wait, maybe these points are mean and deceptive; we both enjoyed ourselves and conversation was pretty easy. Double dating is fun and awkward. Danielle's date was just a little socially aberrant perhaps. Spectrum-ish, in a wholly entertaining kind way... And maybe was into Hillary. 

Before normal guy walked in Hillary was about to bring up how we should deal with the bill.

(Hillary is always neurotic about this part of the date. Danielle sees it as a grand sociological experiment.)

Five beers and two small pizzas later, the bill laid on the table, equidistant from all parties, for quite some time.

The total bill was $40.

Danielle's date was the first to reach for the check. He threw down a $10 bill and then asked for change.

Danielle and Hillary rapidly started throwing cash in the middle of the table to cover the awkwardness of the situation.

Hillary's date then swooped in, took the cash without counting it and just laid down his card.

Winning, winning, won. 

Hillary and her date had been out several times previously. Hillary had called the previous interactions "non-dates"; however, Hillary's date corrected her by saying that a long walk in he woods followed by a fancy dinner is, in fact, a date.

Whoops. Danielle asked, "hmm, I wonder why Hillary's single?" 

Danielle assumed that perhaps they wanted some privacy. While Hillary and her date were talking, Danielle asked for normal guy if he would be so kind as to drive her the few blocks home in order to give the other couple some time alone. (Anything for the cause of a good make out session!)

Danielle's date was confused, but after self-processing while Danielle stared at him for a good 30 seconds, he agreed and took Danielle back to Hillary's apartment, where he spent the next ten minutes commenting on how much he loved Hillary's floor vent air conditioning.

Finally, when all were back at Hillary's apartment, the dramatic reading of "The Hook-Up"* commenced.

*The Hook-Up is a zine written by Danielle's high school students in 2009 to help promote an interest in literacy. Such chapters/topics include, "Best pick-up lines," "How to break-up with girls" and "best condom slogans." Danielle's date read the entire zine outloud... even when social cues dictated that he should stop. It was a fascinating experience.

The night ended with Danielle's date stealing Hillary's brother's djembe...ok, maybe Hillary loaned it to him, but whatever. She better get it back.

Hillary walked her date home to make sure he got home safely. Breaking gender norms left and right.

Despite some of the negative points above, Danielle still gives this date a 6.95/10, commenting, "he was nice and funny."

Hillary is under a gag order regarding her date.

Onto Tennessee.